Saturday, September 26, 2009


When my husband decided to take a city girl for a wife, there were a few things that he knew would need working on right away. For one, I was a scaredy-cat. For another, I was a worry-wart. Put these things together, and that makes for one irrational person. I couldn’t help it, I was from the city and people from the city have to be scared and worried at the same time in order to protect themselves!
Over the years, as my induction to country life began and I was forced to face my fears and worries, I realized how foolish some of them were. For example, I used to be scared of the dark. Not the dark inside my house, but the dark outside my house. Even my own driveway! When city folk get out of their cars at night, they either do so under the safety and cover of their garage and immediately go inside, or they walk briskly from their car without stopping until they get inside (I guess they’re scared too.)
I will never forget when the farmer told me after we first met, that he would sit outside in his driveway late at night looking at the stars, enjoying the night. I remember thinking to myself, “Aren’t you terrified out there?” So I have decided that I need to stop being scared outside at night. Over the years I have realized what is making noises that go bump in the night…owls, crickets, squirrels heading to their nests, trees moving in the wind. None of these are rational things to be scared of, so I knew I had to stop being such a wimp. Now I can actually go outside at night and really enjoy the stars- the stars in the country are incredible because of how dark the sky is. The city sky at night isn’t nearly as dark and therefore the stars don’t shine as brightly as they do in the country. So I have begun to let my irrational fears go, and to actually appreciate the darkness.
The sound of coyotes at night has never been one of my favorite sounds-especially when the cow and goats were babies, and now when we have 2 kitties that live outside. I, of course, don’t know exactly where the coyotes are, but I always imagine that they are on my front porch about to ring my doorbell. I have had to ask the farmer multiple times to go outside just to check on everyone out there when I hear the coyotes. My worries get the best of me. And he knows I’m going to keep him awake until he goes out there with a flashlight and gives me a full report, so he always accommodates me on this request. I, of course, was not going to be the one to go check!
I knew I had made great strides in my efforts to overcome city-girl fears and worries the other night. The coyotes were closer and louder than they had ever been before (or at least I perceived this to be the case). This time, I ran outside all by myself. I just knew the house was going to be surrounded by them when I got out there and I’d have to rescue my sweet kittens from their clutches. None of that happened, the kitties were under the car asleep and our dog running outside barking silenced the coyotes for the rest of the night. I still had to be brought back to reality by the farmer on all the fears that I had after coming back inside, but I gave myself a lot of credit for being the first responder.
With every situation that happens to me in bumpkin-land, I realize that I am getting closer and closer to dispelling my irrational worries and fears. And it thrilled my heart to no end when a few nights ago, my 3 year old son went outside at night, all by himself to get a sword out of the yard. He didn’t think twice about it. I tried to keep my mouth shut and not say something silly like, “Oh, let Daddy do that.” Because I want him to know that in the country, there’s nothing to be afraid of…well, until the next coyote howl at least!

No comments: